Unvalidating

Unvalidating describes actions, statements, or behaviors that undermine, dismiss, or disregard the feelings, experiences, or perspectives of another person. It involves conveying a sense of not being seen, heard, or understood. This can manifest in various ways, from subtle microaggressions to overt forms of emotional invalidation. It often leads to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and self-doubt in the person being subjected to such treatment. unvalidating behavior can unintentionally damage relationships and hinder open communication by creating an environment where individuals feel hesitant to express themselves authentically, fearing judgment or dismissal. It can erode trust and create distance between people.

Unvalidating meaning with examples

• After Sarah shared her anxiety about an upcoming presentation, her colleague dismissed her feelings by saying, 'Oh, you're always worried. It's probably nothing.' This unvalidating comment made Sarah feel unheard and minimized her genuine concerns, leading her to withdraw further and avoid expressing her feelings in the future. This left Sarah feeling she could not share what was on her mind as she had been invalidated.
• During an argument, John repeatedly interrupted his partner, Jane, whenever she attempted to explain her point of view. He quickly changed the subject, effectively ignoring her perspective and making her feel as though her thoughts were not important. This unvalidating behavior shut down communication, and Jane began to feel insignificant in their relationship. Jane felt that John refused to listen to any point of view outside his own and often left the couple with little to no resolution.
• A parent, upon hearing their child express sadness, responded with, 'Stop being so sensitive. There's no reason to be upset.' This unvalidating response to the child’s emotional state taught the child to repress their feelings, and undermined their emotional development. The child began to doubt the validity of their own experiences and emotional responses. They learned quickly to stay quiet if they were feeling sad or upset.
• A therapist, hearing a client describe a traumatic experience, responded with, 'You're overreacting. It couldn't have been that bad.' This unvalidating statement dismissed the client's trauma and left them feeling ashamed and alone. It damages the therapeutic relationship and can prevent the client from processing and healing from their trauma. This can set back the client and reinforce any existing trauma.